I feel excited and almost desperate for this work: that was
a little too solid of ground, though.
Last week I got an email saying that one of my fellow attendees is a
documentary film maker working on a film about Truth that will include
following her journey, and the other attendees, through the Radical Honesty
workshop. Today she emailed everyone and
asked that we take “selfie” videos on our phones and answer some questions
before we get to Denver. Shit has just
been taken to the next level! All the
camera people have done the workshop and have worked with Brad Blanton before,
but dang, still… wow. I must admit, I
wonder if the presence of cameras will inspire me to affect my projection of
who I am at all. They said that when
they have done this before the cameras fade into the background and soon we
aren’t even aware they are there. I hope
so.
How did I come across this retreat? And why on earth would I want to go?
My friend Mo, a new but dear connection, was moving and
threw a party for herself to say goodbye to her old home and honor the passage
to the new home. She had a bunch of
stuff against one wall that she was getting rid of and offering to the guests. I picked two things to adopt: Radical Honesty
by Brad Blanton, and an amazing pair of fuscia feather earings rendered
asymmetrical by some missing feathers on one.
The book is what catalyzed my desire to attend the retreat, and the
earings I wore in my recent yoga photoshoot liberation in the Laguna de Santa
Rosa. I’ll be posting some of those
pictures here. My first post to this
blog there is one of the last pictures we took that day of me resting in an
envigorating savasana in a fresh puddle in the laguna.
I had come across Radical Honesty before, and now I would
say, I have been Radically Honesty-curious for awhile, but there are many many
trainings and retreats and systems of healing I’d like to partake in and this
one slipped into the crowd of waiting modalities yet to be explored. Although now that I’ve read the book and will
be attending the workshop, my examined memories about coming across it before
Mo’s house have a sort of fateful urgency that I could not see at the
time. So when I found the book in Mo’s
stuff there was momentum and a tug and all I did was follow it and actually go
with the flow.
Why? It resonates and
I want to experience what it’s like to be around people telling the truth all
the time. I want to be seen and see
others without the silently agreed upon tongue-biting we all do. I want to “workshop” my own boundaries and
get clear on what it means to me to be professional and if that is at all
different from who I am. I want to stop
trying to control other people’s reactions and allow myself to BE. I want to come out and be the most vivid
version of myself so that the people who like me that way can recognize me and
come over and play. Being a healer is
pretty much spirit’s invitation to play with boundaries and the absence of
them. It’s maddening for me some days,
feeling an urge in my gut and truth in my throat and everything and everyone
around me seems to be saying: keep it to yourself or say it in a way we will
like. And yet I feel a duty to share
what is inside me, uncut. I also keep
having the experience of trying to soften or shape information I fear will be
triggering to someone/people and then feel completely misunderstood or I
somehow take responsibility to continue to be the steward of the information
for others. I want to trust that others
will be okay to handle their own responses to who I am and not take
responsibility for anyone but me; I think that might be what actually creates
space for real healing.
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